


Fuck this shit, I’m out.

by huffpuffthree



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Cheating, F/F, F/M, G!P, Girl Penis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:27:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22413202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huffpuffthree/pseuds/huffpuffthree
Summary: Emma is an inmate at Storybrooke Penitentiary and Regina is a correctional officer. Emma g!p. Slow burn.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood, Lacey/Red Riding Hood | Ruby, Lily | Lilith Page & Emma Swan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

“Squat and cough,” the command rang out as several ladies in a single file turned around and pulled down their pants before getting in position. Emma glanced around, evidently a little hesitant, but followed the order nonetheless.

Whistles could be heard as Emma’s penis fell out. “Ay, mámi, I’ll squat for you any time,” a Latina girl chuckled. Why she was put here, in an all-female prison, she doesn’t know. That’s what happens when the world is unprepared for something they don’t try to understand. It was definitely better than going to a men’s prison. “Guess more pussy for me,” Emma chuckled as she thought to herself. The thought was disrupted by an intrusion. Emma gasped as she felt a finger enter her asshole forcefully. The wolf-whistling started again. “Ay, looks like Madam Prissy pants wants some,” the girl from before whispered to her before snickering. At that, Emma could feel heat rising to the tip of her ears. 

.

“Bell, Swan, and Nolan, in you go,” the correctional officer led the group of new inmates. Emma couldn’t help but check her out as she walked behind her. The CO was undoubtedly attractive, anyone could see that. Emma wondered if she had Hispanic blood in her. If they had been in a bar, instead of this drag of a place, she thought that she would definitely put her moves on her. When the co turned around, she read her name tag, “R. Mills.” 

They carried their fishnet sack as they tried their best to get settled in. 

.

It was lunch time and Emma could already feel the nerves bubbling just thinking about where to sit. It’s like high school all over again. 

“Hey, blondie! Hey blondie, over here!” A long-legged brunette waved her over. Emma carried her tray over to the table as the people moved over for her to sit.

“Swan,” Emma introduced herself.

“I’m Ruby, this here’s Granny, Lacey, Belle, Tink, and Lily,” Ruby said.

“Cool,” Emma said as she sat down and started gobbling down her food. 

“New girl likes my food. I like her,” Granny smiled at her. 

“Granny runs the kitchen. You made the right move by sucking up to her, but you ain’t kidding anyone, the food sucks,” a brunnette, Lily (was it?) commented. That earned her a smack on the head by Granny. “Ow!”

“Hah. Serves you right,” Ruby giggled as she walked around the table to settle behind Lacey and snuggled her. 

“Aw, stop it you two, you’re too cute!” Belle mocked, sarcasm dripping. 

“Just because your snatch has a ‘penis only’ sign,” at that, Emma sputtered, “Don’t mean you get to crap all over us.”

Belle made a face back at Ruby. “You know you’re always welcomed to join us, right Belle? We could always use another hand-or mouth.”

“And that, spells the end of my lunch,” Belle said, getting up as Ruby continues to chortle.

“Swan,” Lily started. 

“Just call me Emma.”

“So Emma, is it true you have a...”

“A what?” Ruby perked up

“A penis.”   
“A dick,” Lily and Emma say at the same time. 

“Forreal??” Ruby shot up. 

“Well...yeah.”

.

“Ahh fuck,” Lily moaned.

After the revelation, the awkwardness was too overbearing for Emma, so she finished up lunch then excused herself to take a shower. 

Lily followed her into the bathrooms and unabashedly stripped for her then dipped her hand into Emma’s pants.

Emma groaned with exertion as she pumped into Lily, holding her up against the wall that separated each shower.

“Fuck! I’m coming!” Lily all but yelled, not even caring that the other inmates could hear/see everything. The sheer curtains didn’t help their cause.

“Shit shit shit. I’m-” Emma tried to pull out but Lily locked her legs around her toned hips. 

Emma gasped, mouth agape, as she spilled into her velvet heat.

In the corner, a CO poked her head into the shower. Upon sight of the blissful couple, she walked back out.

.

“That’s a new record,” Emma said, letting Lily’s legs touch the ground again.

“What is?” Lily asked as she tucked a few stray strands behind Emma’s ear. 

“Not to sound cocky, but I’ve only been in here two hours. And I’ve already gotten laid.”

“You’re right. You do sound cocky,” Lily slapped her chest then squeezed her crotch. “Again.”


	2. Catch me outside, how bou dat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! Kkk who’s a widdle virgin?

“Hey guys,” Emma greeted as she approached Ruby and Lacey, who were at a bench outside, “What are ya up to?”

Ruby chuckled, “We could ask you the same. More like, whose are you up.” Lacey laughed.

A blush crept up Emma’s neck, “You heard, huh?”

“Girl, everyone heard,” Lacey cackled.

Ruby looked at her amusedly, “So, you and Lil, huh?”

Emma nodded sheepishly.

“Well, tell me about it!” Ruby exclaimed.

“There’s not much to say...” Emma sat down. “Although, there was this one thing I don’t get.” 

Ruby looked at her pointedly.

“I tried to kiss her, but she kept avoiding it. Then she told me it was purely physical, that she didn’t want anything more,” Emma says, exasperated. “I don’t get it. I don’t like doing it with someone I don’t love.”

Ruby taunted, “Aw, you a widdle virgin? Hahaha.”

Lacey looks at Emma weirdly, “Emma, Lily has a fiancé.”

“Oh,” Emma says, genuinely surprised. “Well, I’m no homewrecker.”

“Good for you,” Lacey tells her, “I’m letting you know because you seem like a good girl, and Lily... I say this with nothing but love, she’s a jumbled up mess. Just ask her ex.”

Emma looks at her, confused, “What does that mean?”

Lacey starts, “You can’t because he’s dead.”

Emma’s already furrowed eyebrows crinkle further, if that was even possible.

“Moving on,” Ruby says as if Lacey didn’t just drop a huge bomb on them, “Like you should, Emma, we were just talking about which CO we would totally bang if I didn’t have Lacey and if Lacey didn’t love the way I eat pussy.”

“For me,” Lacey starts, “It’d be Nolan. He’s got that clueless white-boy face, he’ll probably do everything I ask.”

“I’d bang Mulan over there.”

Emma laughs, “Isn’t that a little bit racist?”

Ruby scoffs, “That’s her name, Dufus.”

“What about you?” Lacey asks.

“CO Mills.”

“Why?” everyone looks at her.

“She’s hot.”

They all chortle. “Pity, she’s married to Hood over there, the dumb-looking just-outta-the-woods boy.”

“Anyways...” Ruby continues talking, but Emma doesn’t hear a word. She watches intently as Robin Hood walks over to Regina and place a chaste kiss on her lips. She doesn’t miss the painted-on smile Regina forces on her face for an audience that isn’t looking, perhaps in an attempt to convince them that she is truly happy. Perhaps, the only one she’s trying to convince is herself.


	3. Nothing but net

It’s mid-afternoon during rec time, and the girls are outside, getting some sun.

“That’s an ‘s’. Gotta watch yourself, Rubes, one more miss and you owe me a week’s worth of ramen. Black pepper crab,” Emma warns her, laughing.

Ruby blew a few strands of hair out of her face. “Pfft. Man, you should’ve warned me before I took that bet. Who knew the legendary ‘Swan the Swisher’ walked amongst us, mortals?” 

Emma laughed, “Now where’s the fun in that?”

Ruby tossed the ball to Emma, who dribbled all the way to the half-court line. 

“Yo, CO Mills! Get a load of this!” Emma shouted over the others’ chattering.

“For you,” she said with a wink, then threw the ball into the net.

Emma jogged over to Ruby, “Swish,” flicking her on the forehead, “And flick,” a smug look on her face.

“Show off,” Ruby scoffed. 

“Where was it you stood again?” Ruby asked, feigning ignorance. “Right here, underneath the net, right?”

“If you insist,” Emma obliged. “If you can make this shot, I’ll give you double.”

“You got this, babe,” Lacey cheered from the bleachers.

Ruby took a deep breath, “Alright, Rubes, there’s a lot at stake. There’s a pretty girl sitting at the bleachers and looking at you like you own her heart. If not for you, do it for her. And also the ramen.

“God, I love ramen,” Ruby whispered as she took the shot.

The ball hit the backboard, before rolling around the rim for what would seem like eternity for Ruby, before dropping through the net with a resounding swish. 

“Yes!! You suck!” she gestured at Emma before running over to Lacey and kissing her. “RAMEN FOR LIFE!!”

Emma chuckled as she jogged over to Regina. “Hey, did you see that,” she inquired, panting.

“Yes, how very benevolent of you to let the girl take the shot from there. I guess chivalry isn’t dead,” Regina smiled.

The past two weeks since she got in, Emma developed a routine of picking flowers from the field every morning and keeping it in her pants pocket so at the start of every morning, during the frisk, Regina would find it and keep it. She recently started tying little notes to the end of the stalk. Enclosed within them were little compliments, or just a simple, shy, “hi”. 

Regina knew that the notes would get her in trouble, if they were discovered. After all, she was a CO, and Emma an inmate, let alone the fact that she was married. But, there was something about Emma’s easy smile that made her insides tingle in the way Robin could never make her feel. He never made her feel beautiful, or special, the way Emma did. Their marriage was one of convenience, for her mother, at that. Her parents own a paper company, and he came from a family of lumberjacks. It was the sensible thing to do, her mother told her. It was the only thing she keeps reminding herself of. Her father is sick, and they need the extra profits Hood’s discounted lumber would provide. 

He is a good man, she keeps telling herself, so why isn’t she happy? Perhaps there’s something wrong with her.

“Hey babe,” Lily interrupted the staring contest Emma was having with Regina. How does emerald orbs could electrify her to no end, leaving her helpless to all her advances. 

“Whatcha doin’?” Lily wrapped her arms around Emma from the side.

“Nothing. Just getting the ball,” Emma lifted up the basketball as proof.

“Well, come on over, Granny’s thinking about adding you to her kitchen crew. She wants you to talk to her,” Lily says before slapping her ass then walking off.

“We-we’re not...” Emma stammered out but all Regina could think about was the image of the two in the bathroom last week. 

“It’s okay, Emma, you don’t have to explain anything,” Regina say as a matter-of-fact.

“No, b-but, I like you. My notes should’ve showed you that by now.”

Regina sucked her teeth, “It’s alright, Emma, just go.”

.

Regina walked into the break room and opened up her locker before taking out the note from her bra. 

“Roses are red, violets are blue.  
Lily’s a bitch, I want you.”

Regina couldn’t help but smile to herself. A butterfly finding its way into her stomach. It didn’t help that Emma kept the note in her pants for the frisk, just hoping that Regina would be able to detect a little something extra other than her something extra. 

Fuck, Emma’s big.


	4. Bob-blocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their relationship evolves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi kids, cheating is bad. Don’t do it.

It’s prep time and Emma was chopping up some tomatoes in the kitchen when Regina waltzed in.

She dropped a piece of paper on the floor, “Clean that up, inmate.”

Emma looked up at her, then said, “Yes ma’am.”

She picked up the note and put it in her pants. 

‘Movie night. Kitchen.’

Emma smiled to herself as she read and reread those three words, memorizing it.

.

Movie night rolls around, not without exasperation from the two. Time, seemed to them, a major asshole. 

Emma walked into the rec room 10 minutes late. “Man, spider-man?! This shit’s gay. Fuck this shit, I’m out.”

Regina merely laughs at her display, before following her out the door.

Emma looks back to confirm that Regina is in fact hot on her heels.

Emma jumps up on the counter and plops down loudly. 

“Hmm, I see you’re a fellow spider-man hater,” Regina quips, smirking.

“Nah, I love spider-man. I love how little thingies shoot out when he does those hands thingy,” Emma states innocently.

“That’s what she said,” Regina murmured in a very un-Regina-like way.

“Wooow, language, CO Mills,” Regina laughs wholeheartedly,

.

Laughter could be heard from the kitchen. “You mean you sprained both of your ankles in the same week, during playoff season, but not in the game?”

“Yes,” Emma smiled at her.

“That is...” Regina started.

“Clumsily cute in a way that adds to my charm?” Emma asked hopefully.

“Stupid,” Regina laughed. Emma pouted at her.

Emma tapped her fingers rhythmically against the metallic counter they were sitting on. Sensing Regina’s impending irritation, she explained, “It’s a song I can’t get out of my head and the commissary radio’s no Spotify.”

Regina whipped out her phone from her pocket, “Lucky for you, I’m feeling... nice.” She handed her phone to Emma to play the song as they plugged in the ear buds.

Knew you were perfect  
After the first kiss  
Took a deep breath like ooh

Emma could feel her heart drumming in her chest as she laid her head on Regina’s shoulder. Fuck, she smells so good.

Quick, quick, quick, let’s go  
Kiss me and take off your clothes

It was as if the song was written for that very moment. The smooth melody became her liquid courage, the lyrics became her commandment, that if disobeyed, would physically kill her. And by God, Emma went for it. 

Emma kissed Regina’s soft lips as fireworks exploded beneath her closed lids. She tasted like apples and cinnamon and it was intoxicating. Regina was becoming her new favourite flavour as her lips moved with its own fervor, continuing to drink in all that was her. God, this woman can kiss. 

Emma moved her hand from her own lap to Regina’s waist, testing the waters. Regina moaned and placed her arms on Emma’s neck, playing with the hairs on the nape of her neck.

Regina moved to straddle her, even as their tongues continued their battle for dominance. 

Emma gasped as Regina ground her hips down against her rapidly hardening length. 

“Fuck,” Emma panted, “You’ll be the death of me.”

Regina flashed her a predatory smile in response then grabbed Emma’s hands and moved it to her ass.

Emma squeezed her ass instinctively and rolled her hips up in time as Regina ground down on her.

In one swift motion, Emma tore Regina’s shirt open, buttons flying every which way, pulled her bra down and latched onto her breast, as if she didn’t just have seconds for dinner. Regina arched her back into Emma’s mouth, holding her head to her chest. Emma’s hand snaked between them to unbuckle Regina’s belt and undo her pants then sunk her hand between her parted legs. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” Emma moaned.

Regina merely stared at her with her half-closed lids and parted lips, unable to speak as she continued to move her hips in rhythm with the hand between her legs.

“Mhmm Emma...” Regina whimpered, “I’m gonna-”

“Babe, are you here?” Robin’s voice rang out.

Panic set within the both of them. Regina scrambled off the counter before checking her lipstick and her shirt. Fuck, some buttons popped off. 

Emma adjusted herself in her pants then looked down again. Looks like her erection wasn’t going down any time soon. Think grandmas, sick puppies, c’mon Swan. 

Regina pushed a container of pasta on the floor. “Kitchen, Robin.”

The bearded man popped his head in before walking in to the kitchen.

“Just supervising some cleanup,” Regina chuckled nervously. 

Hood seemed to have bought it. “Put your back into it, inmate,” he joked. 

Emma turned around and mock-saluted, “Sir, yes, sir.”

Robin, sensed the attitude, but decided against calling her out on it since his shift was almost over and he was dead beat.

He turned towards Regina, “Babe, shifts almost over. I’ll go start the car.”

“Alright, be right there,” Regina replied before he walked off.

Regina sighed, “Emma...”

“It’s cool,” Emma replied coolly, “I knew you were married. It’s not the biggest rock, but it’s shiny.” She gestured to the Regina’s ring.

Emma approached her slowly, “I just thought you knew what you were doing, accepting my gifts, calling me out here. You’re a smart woman and you know what you want. What I don’t get is why. Why are you with him?”

“Emma...” Regina hesitated, “It’s- it’s complicated...”

“Nah, I’ll bet,” Emma chuckled weakly. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Regina walked towards her then kissed her fully and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit me up on insta: b0bstero


End file.
